flowers and thoughts

On the days when I can escape my office for a lunch break, I often like to sit underneath this one tree in the park.

It's gigantic (and probably very old and has seen a lot in its long tree life) and makes for a lot of nice shade on the hottest days. And I like to sit underneath it when I eat my lunch because it's so big that I can pretend that I haven't spent the majority of the last three months in a cubicle instead of in the water, on the grass, in the sunshine, and the like.

I've just recently noticed that this tree has flowers growing in it. A lot of white, tiny flowers growing up and down the branches, winding between the roots, blooming on top of one another. I only know this because a lot of these flowers have been falling off this tree lately and landing on my head. And on my body. I think that it has something to do with the combination of windy days and the fact that the flowers aren't much bigger than dimes. 

Anyway, they've been breaking off from the tree at a surprisingly rapid rate. The first time it happened, I reacted in the way that any normal person would ("What the hell just landed on my head?!") and then I got annoyed, because it kept happening over. and over. and over. It was one of those minor annoyances that can be enough to put you in a bad mood if you're already having a bad day.

But this afternoon, I was eating lunch under that ancient tree yet again. And those small flowers did their little falling dance and landed in a pile on my lap. And maybe it was because I was reading a particularly inspiring book, or that I've just actively tried to be more optimistic lately - but my mindset towards these flowers suddenly shifted. They are such small things - barely fragrant, so paper thin and so white that they're nearly translucent...they're hardly even real.

So I took one of the delicate petals in my hand and rubbed it between my fingers. And I just thought...how can I be so annoyed with this unassuming little flower bud? Why waste energy on something that's so ultimately harmless and inconsequential? And then that got me thinking...maybe I shouldn't get annoyed (or impatient or frustrated or sad) about other things that I make out to be big problems, but are actually very minor issues.

And I realized that in order to preserve your sanity and your mind and your heart, you have to be able to distinguish real problems from imagined ones. I recognize that sometimes it is worth it to invest your time and emotions into something that's important and that you believe will have a serious effect on your life in the long haul. But more often than not (at least for me), many of my supposed issues actually have thin white petals that let the sunlight pass through, if I just take a second glance at what's in my lap.

I can learn to live with these little white flowers. I can even appreciate them for their simplicity and insignificance - how important they are for being so unimportant. and that can be enough for me. really, it just has to be enough.

life lists part one

five confessions:
1. I think I accidentally ate red meat last weekend (after swearing off it in May - maybe I'll do a more comprehensive post on this later). To be fair, they told me it was a turkey sandwich. Therefore, I should be pardoned.

2. Apparently the DC Metro is "permitting" passengers to drink water on the trains this week because of our hot hot hot heat wave, but...I mean...I've been chugging water down there this whole summer...I don't tolerate temperatures above 80 very well.
3. I couldn't remember what day it was when I was showering this morning, and I seriously had to think about it for a while.
4. I also forgot the password to this blog for a good 24 hours.
5. I'm writing more again. Not just for these blog posts, but in general. It's such good therapy.

five favorite feelings as of late:
1. When the subway pulls into the station and the whole platform gets really windy for a few seconds.
2. When you're about to do something productive like clean your kitchen or wash your sheets, but then spontaneous plans come up and you decide that maybe you can procrastinate your chores for one more day.
3. When you FaceTime with your parents and they put your cat on video (that happened):

4. When you realize that letting go of something that's bothering you isn't simply an act of conceding or accepting that it doesn't matter, but rather an act of acknowledging that you won't let it control your life (thanks to this article from my favorite website, Thought Catalog)
5. Getting free things in the mail. Like a ton of coupons for Slurpees from 7-Eleven. Amazing what you can get when you complain on Twitter (that's meee!)

it's always the little moments...

Isn't it? Like this one, for example:

Walking along a waterfront at sunset - so cliche, but for a reason. I never want to leave this city ever. Seriously. They're going to have to drag me away in August.

greetings!

I'm just getting situated with this blog of mine. I've been wanting to start a blog for a long time and I'm excited that I finally did it. Whoever you are, thanks for stopping by my little corner of the internet. I promise hope that it will get more exciting. Let's see where this adventure goes...